


Exceeding Recommended Hotness

by trash_trio



Category: Fifty Percent Off!, Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Blow Jobs, Car Sex, Cop AU, Face-Fucking, Fifty Percent Off, Groping, Hair-pulling, Handcuffs, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Outdoor Sex, Pick-Up Lines, Police Uniforms, Rough Kissing, Serial Killer Rei, Serial Killers, Swearing, Thug Cop Seme Nagisa, Thugisa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-02-26 10:47:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2649182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trash_trio/pseuds/trash_trio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rei is trying to dispose of a dead body in the middle of the night, only to be pulled over by a cop by the name of Thugisa Hazuki. When he realizes what the cop really wants, he's more than willing to please him.</p><p>(Completely 50% off themed, because come on, Rei is a serial killer and Nagisa is a badass motherfucker.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Exceeding Recommended Hotness

**Author's Note:**

> I won't apologize for what I have not done wrong.

“Whoop whoop! Excuse me mister, imma have to pull you over for exceeding recommended hotness. I could read you your rights now, or we could just skip right to the cavity search.”

  _Fuck._

 Rei looked out of the window of his red Honda Accord at the police officer in front of him. The man was a short and slender blond, and for a moment before he had spoken, he almost seemed like a girl. Rei swallowed and took a deep breath, straightening his glasses before speaking.

 “Excuse me, officer?” Rei said, his deadly calm voice coming out quietly. He looked up and down the road around him. It was night, and this highway route was silent but for them. Rei had tried to stay on rural roads, and for good reason. He was trying to get rid of a dead body.

“You heard me, honey. Now tell me, what size collar you wear? Lemme get them digits baby!” The cop smiled, winking at Rei and flashing his pink eyes at him flirtatiously. 

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck._ Rei thought. _This was an inopportune moment for such a… distraction from the events at hand._

Running his hand through his dark blue hair, Rei looked over at the police officer to his nametag on the front of his uniform. _Thugisa Hazuki. Strange name._

“Was I… performing any illegal activities whilst driving, officer?” Rei asked. He swallowed and tried to resist the urge to look towards the trunk of his car in the rearview mirror. This cop couldn’t know what—or who for that matter—was in there.

 “Nah, I just gotta stop a cutie like you on the road. It okay if I perform a pat down search, honey?” Rei bit his lip as he looked at the cop in front of him. _Was this guy crazy? Did he pull him over to flirt? What would he say if he really knew that there was a body in the trunk?_

“Then you are not stopping me for an infraction on the law?” Rei clarified to Nagisa, raising an eyebrow. His heart was still beating hard in his chest as he looked at the blond—albeit very cute—cop, and though he forced his exterior to remain in a calm state, he was shaking internally. _There was a body in the trunk. A fucking body._

 “Only crime you committed is not being in my bed,” Nagisa said, trailing his fingers suggestively along the edge of the rolled-down window. 

“Officer, I have an appointment that I must be present for. I would hate if there were an …altercation that would prevent me from being there.” Rei tried to keep his voice level.

“You’re so cute when you’re sassy, I might have to call backup. Good thing for you I’m too greedy to share you with Officer Rin.” Nagisa smiled. _Officer Rin? Fuck, he had backup. Fuck it. There was only one way to get this cop off of his back._

“What would you do that would require sharing?” Rei asked, giving Nagisa a little smirk and letting his eyelashes flutter. Nagisa smiled.

“Want me to show you?” Nagisa breathed, leaning forward and capturing Rei’s lips in a light kiss. Rei let the man do it, even parting his lips slightly to let Nagisa deepen the kiss. 

“Mmmph,” Rei groaned softly as Nagisa moved his tongue in Rei’s mouth, and Rei felt sparks of pleasure in his spine. _He was stupidly good at kissing… and now that he thought about it, the pink-eyed man was cuter than he had noticed at first. This would be better than he thought._

“Do you want to come into the back of the police car? I don’t have these handcuffs on my belt for nothing.” Nagisa whispered against Rei’s ear, sucking lightly on his neck just below his earlobe.

Rei shivered slightly at the feeling of the blonde’s warm mouth on his neck before nodding, glancing in the rearview mirror at the trunk of his car and swallowing hard. 

“Mmm, okay,” Rei gasped, his head falling back against his seat. Nagisa grinned and kissed Rei on the cheek.

 “You sure? You won’t regret it, honey.” Nagisa touched his forehead to Rei’s. _This really wouldn’t be bad. At all. The dead body was more an excuse now than anything._

“Let me suck you off,” Rei gasped as he stepped out of the car and Nagisa turned him around on Rei’s car, grinding his erection against him and attacking his neck, littering him with kisses. 

“God, you’re a fun little honey, aren’t you?” Nagisa smiled and let his hands wander down to Rei’s pants, where Rei was growing harder and harder. Rei let out a moan as Nagisa’s hands began to cup him through his boxers.

“Hnnh, someone might see,” Rei gasped as Nagisa stroked Rei’s cock to life. Nagisa moved his lips back up to Rei’s ear, nuzzling the blue-haired boy’s hair.

“No one’s driving on this road at night, sweetheart,” Nagisa murmured. Moving his hands, Nagisa pushed Rei over and kissed him on the mouth, pulling him towards the hood of the police car behind them.

Rei cautiously pushed Nagisa’s hips back against the hood of the shiny black and white and dropped to his knees on the side of the road, ignoring the feeling of gravel digging into his knees. Looking up at Nagisa, he ran his hands up and down Nagisa’s legs teasingly. Nagisa’s breathing grew more ragged as he stared down at Rei with a low-lidded stare.

 “Want to fuck my mouth?” Rei murmured sensually from the ground. Nagisa groaned from above him at his words. “You said you were gonna use those handcuffs on me.”

 “Fuck honey, you have any idea how sexy you sound right now?” Nagisa groaned. “Oh you have no clue what you’re doing to me.”

Nagisa moved his hands down Rei’s sides and shifted, giving him better access to Rei’s arms. Rei shuddered as he felt the cool metal of the cuffs snap around one of his wrists. Nagisa pulled his arms roughly behind his arms and snapped the cuffs around his other wrist, pressing his still-clothed erection against Rei’s mouth as he moved. 

“Ah, that’s nice,” Nagisa mumbled as Rei nuzzled at his hips when he leaned back against the car and grabbed the cop’s belt buckle with his teeth. Nagisa unbuckled his belt, running a hand lazily through Rei’s hair and tugging it experimentally. Rei gasped in pleasure as his head was forced back and pinpricks of pain ran through his scalp.

Rei had always liked it when his partners were rougher, and this guy… this guy wasn’t fucking around. Rei breathed hard, panting slightly as he looked up at the slender man in front of him, licking his lips suggestively to tease him. Nagisa raised an eyebrow and gave Rei a smirk before pulling his cock out of his pants, presenting it to Rei with a lazy, shit-eating grin. Rei swallowed.

 Nagisa’s cock was large and thick, throbbing with pent-up need and dribbling pre-cum. Rei gave a glance up to Nagisa, who was watching Rei’s reaction with a smug expression.

 “What I lack in feet, I make up for in inches,” Nagisa said cockily (pun intended).

 Rei leaned forward on his knees and examined Nagisa’s cock closer before mouthing lightly at the tip of it and licking up his pre-cum like it was a melting ice cream cone. At the sound of Nagisa’s rapid breathing, he took the tip of Nagisa’s cock into his mouth and sucked hard. Nagisa gasped and cursed above him.

 Rei smiled around Nagisa’s cock before taking more of him into his mouth, running his tongue along the underside of his cock. Nagisa cursed again and wove his fingers deeper into Rei’s hair, pulling his head forward and forcing his cock down Rei’s throat. Rei’s eyes began to water as he relaxed his throat for Nagisa to rock his cock into his mouth.

 “Ah fuck, you look so good taking my cock,” Nagisa muttered, thrusting into Rei’s mouth. He groaned softly as his cock hit the back of Rei’s throat.

Rei moaned lightly as Nagisa tugged harshly on his hair and whispered dirty words down at him. This rough treatment was getting him _so_ turned on and he was beginning to rut shamelessly against the air in front of him as Nagisa moved his head.

“I’m gonna cum soon if you keep sucking me off like the slut you are,” Nagisa said, snapping his hips particularly roughly down Rei’s throat. Rei choked around Nagisa’s cock, shuddering at the sharp tug on his hair before moaning and taking him deeper.

 “ _Oh, fuck,”_ Nagisa groaned loudly and came hard down Rei’s throat, forcing Rei’s head down as his cock throbbed in release. Slowly, Nagisa let go of Rei’s hair and let him release his cock. For a moment, there was silence but for both of the men trying to catch their breath.

 “By the way,” Nagisa managed after a moment of hard breathing, lying limply against his car. “I can see a streak of blood on the trunk of your car. Just a heads up.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Follow my personal tumblr at mylifeistheprogressbar.tumblr.com if you like shitty puns, Rooster Teeth, Haikyuu!!, Free!, Tokyo Ghoul, Game of Thrones, writing help, feminism, and more shitty puns. 
> 
> I also have a Haikyuu!! headcanon blog at trashtrioheadcanons.tumblr.com that caters exclusively to the beauty that is Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou, and Oikawa Tooru.
> 
> Follow me on Instagram: daisyrightsactivist
> 
> I love kudos and comments, so if you wanna see more of something just know that I am motivated mostly through YOUR lovely comments. Thanks for reading!


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